New Year
by Minnalee
Summary: Brendan Birch knows that there can't be a new beginning until something old comes to an end.


**New Year**

I brought my watch with me to keep track of the time. Other than that, I've got nothing but the clothes on my back and a bitter heart. And my voice, echoing around me.

_Hello?_

_Hello?_

_Hello?_

There's a kind of thrill in standing on the edge of the world. Now, each time I take a step closer to the end of the cliff, I get that rush. The one I used to get while Pokémon battling. The one I used to get while exploring the treacherous corners of the Hoenn region.

The one I used to get when I kissed her.

It's all gone now. Everything — the training, the battling, the traveling, even her. Especially her.

I look at my watch. Five minutes until midnight.

I can see the distant lights of the city from where I stand. She's there right now, somewhere in the midst of a thousand other people who are counting down to the New Year. She's there right now, clinging onto the arm of a boy who isn't me.

No, it'll never be me again. Now I'm here like a marionette, broken and cast aside, because she's got someone else.

May and Drew, the famous Coordinator couple. How cute.

_Anyone there?_

_Anyone there?_

_Anyone there?_

I can't beat Drew. He's got the looks, the sophistication, the charm. And I've just got me. I used to think it was enough.

Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.

I'm usually wrong. I was wrong when I thought Dad would come home from the expedition. He didn't, not for years and years. Then at last when he did come back, it was in a coffin.

The irony.

I was wrong when I thought I could hold the Championship title. That was before I lost my father and my focus. After Dad died, I still managed to beat Steven and become Champion... then got bulldozed by the next challenger, who wasn't even that good.

_Can you hear me?_

_Can you hear me?_

_Can you hear me?_

But being with May was the one thing that felt completely, utterly right. I was happy. I was beyond happy; I was in love.

Yeah. Love. Who gives a damn, anyway?

Three minutes until midnight.

"I loved you, May!"

_I loved you, May!_

I snarl as my voice hits the opposite cliff and bounces back to me. I've lost everything and I'm still sniveling over what could have been. Get over it, Brendan Birch. Let go of her.

For Latios' sake, why can't I let go?

She haunts me, night and day — her smile, her voice, her laugh. Those sapphire eyes I used to fall into. The slender hand I used to hold in mine. The tears I used to kiss away.

The beautiful way she looked at me when she said, I love y—

No.

Never again.

_Never again._

Two minutes until midnight.

Like a magnet, that sparkling city far away and far below pulls my gaze toward it. She's there somewhere. I want, but I can't have. Something far stronger than distance keeps me from her forever: her heart.

I take a step closer to the edge of the cliff.

_Help_

_Help_

_Help_

Why am I doing this? Why is that black stretch of oblivion beyond the cliff so inviting? What about death compels me so powerfully that I'm walking straight into its dark embrace?

I know why. It's for her.

There can't be a new beginning until something old comes to an end. May and Drew have so much ahead of them. They're happier together than she ever was with me. Two people meant to be together.

She wouldn't want this broken marionette lying around, rendered useless by its tangled heartstrings, gazing sadly at her through darkened eyes.

So I'm throwing it away for her.

Another step forward.

And then... this is for me too. I want this because the world has nothing left. I want an end. I don't want a lifetime of pining.

This is the only way I can make myself let go.

Sixty seconds left.

I loved her. I still love her.

_Love you_

_Love you_

But May has moved on already. The new year's coming, and she'll be celebrating it without me. She doesn't love me anymore.

_You don't love me anymore._

Forty seconds left.

Another step. And another.

Do you remember how we met, May? We were both only six. My dad had taken me along on one of his visits to your dad's Gym in Petalburg.

You crashed into me.

Then you stood up, brushed yourself off, smiled and said, "I'm May!"

I remember that day so long ago. I remember how we grew up best friends. I remember making a promise — we'd never let anyone come between us.

That was before you left to start your Pokémon journey, and I left to start mine.

Things change. Everyone knows that. Still, I wonder...

Do you remember that promise?

Thirty seconds left.

I remember everything. I wish I didn't, but I do. Half a minute until midnight and now I can't get the memories out of my head. They're flashing before my eyes, bright and golden and twisting themselves into something hideous as I watch.

Broken. That's what I am.

Insane. That's what I'm becoming.

Another step closer to the cliff. More of that adrenaline rush. More memories.

I need to make them stop. I can't go on. I can't go back...

_Save me_

_Save me_

_Save me_

Twenty seconds left.

My feet have found their way to the very edge. The open gateway to my demise. And in an instant all the memories are gone, leaving behind just me and the darkness and the tears that are suddenly falling like rain.

I stop there, right before the end. And for the first time I think,

Do I really want to die?

Ten seconds.

Here, poised on the brink of nothingness... this the end of Brendan and the beginning of May and Drew. Does she even care?

_Do you care, May?_

_Do you care?_

No response. But then, it's not like I'm expecting one. I already know the answer, after all.

She doesn't care. So neither do I.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

_Goodbye,_

_Goodbye,_

_Goodbye._

And Happy New Year, May.


End file.
